My World's Gone To The Dog!

Today is Lola turns 1 year old.  And to celebrate, I thought I would write her a blog letter (based on an e-mail funny I recieved).  Do normal people celebrate their dog's birthdays?  Well, we're not really "celebrating," but when you're single and don't have any kids, you have nothing better to celebrate.


So here goes...


Dear Lola,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish. Nor, do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. Licking my food or stealing it off my plate is not appreciated either.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help either because I fall faster than you can run and will squash you in the process.  You also don't need to clean each stair on our way down.  This is very annoying when it's cold, raining or when I'm on a tight schedule.

Nothing larger than a twin sized bed will comfortably fit in my room. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. You can actually curl up in a ball when you sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.. 

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom!  If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, jump or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door and then run to the opposite door and do it again. I must exit the bathroom.  I promise I won't magically disappear. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine assistance is not required.

Speaking of bathrooms...your community bathroom is located outside!  Using the living room, my bedroom, or the dining room is completely unacceptable!  I don't relieve myself in your "house."

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then clean yourself.  I cannot stress this enough.


If you would like to make new friends, I highly recommend you stop growling and barking at them.  All that will do is cause a fight and frankly, you'll lose.

Growling and biting for my attention only gets you in trouble.  However, anytime you want to be sweet and cuddly, you're welcome to share your affections with me and not our roommate. 


Eating the weather stripping on the door is not the way to ask to go outside.  Just scratch the door and we'll go out, unless of course we just came in.


I could go on and on, but the truth is you've won me over.  So here's to many great times ahead!

Happy Birthday!